I haven’t had much to write in a while. I’ve been struggling since December with recurring migraines. My anti-depressant seemed to crap out on me and I went through the process of trying/fiddling with a new one. We are working on finishing the school year on a positive note and to that end I am encouraging the kids to follow their own interests more. I was super excited last night because my 7 year old put together 3 wood building kits in one sitting. It’s fun to watch your children develop their own interests and preferences. It’s definitely one of the things I find rewarding about parenting.

We have been doing some spring cleaning; our landlord has some minor things she wants to get fixed. So it was kind of mentally enforced but ALSO rewarding. I have been working hard to keep up on our progress and also get to things that normally get neglected. I finally used some store credit that I have been hoarding on Wayfair to buy an EXTRAORDINARY shelf. It’s huge – and now it’s full. We have about 100 books that need homes but now we have two empty shelves to play with.

I have been making decorations for a birthday party. It’s for a close family member and I’m really proud of the work I have done. My anxiety gets me sometimes; have I done enough? Will the person like it? Will the person who asked me to do it, like it? Will someone notice that teeny mistake I made? But overall I enjoy it and I think she’ll like it. I enjoy using all sorts of materials; but I find paper especially rewarding. My AWESOME husband and AMAZING mother went in together on Mother’s Day and I now have a Cricut Maker! So I’ve cut out lots of beautiful shapes with that in paper and vinyl – and also am going to attempt some 3D projects as well. I am super excited to see what else it can do. I discussed it with my husband; it’s like having another person helping me.

I’ve been working for my county health department doing contact tracing and making wellness calls for several months. It’s nice to get out of the house and into an office setting. I really enjoy being helpful and of service during this worldwide crisis. The crisis is slowing down and we currently have less than 20 active cases – so I did not work this week. I have really mixed feelings because I AM so happy that COVID is not as active; people are getting vaccinated and it is much easier to social distance when it is warm out. I’m worried that the need for my services is winding down and I’ll have to say goodbye.

That is going to be hard for me; I’ve never worked somewhere where I’ve felt like I belonged so much. I am happy being of tangible and real help to people without the emotions or drama. This is why I’ve never been like OH YES let me just get that Master’s in Social Work or keep going for a higher degree in Psychology. I am really proud of myself; I’ve been told repeatedly I am doing a good job. I try to put my best foot forward whenever I am there – I know I can be moody. Co-workers have described me in the past as having an on/off switch. I’m either ON – productive, communicative, and pretty much awesome – or OFF – moody, debating life choices, and hating everything.

Some of this has resolved with age and life/job experience. I’m better at looking back at past experiences and deciding what my role was in them. Yay! I’m finally maturing at 34 after being married 13 1/2 yrs with 2 children. There’s an infographic floating around explaining brain maturation in individuals with ADHD – in personal experience, it’s so frickin true! I’m about 27 or 28 in my head. Sometimes I think that I’ve been playing at being an adult for many years – and I’ve only really been one in the last year or so. It depends on your definition of adult – I know some people who definitely HAVE NEVER GROWN UP.

Currently – because I suddenly decided to write – my children are being very quiet so I don’t tell them to go to bed. I thought I’d update the blog with some of my real thoughts and experiences. So that’s where I’m at…

Have a great night,

Marjorie

(written May 26, 2021 P.M.)